Where do I begin?
She talks too much. He doesn’t talk enough. THE END.
Ha! I wish it were that simple. I’m no personality expert, but I’ve learned a lot about myself and my fiance over the years. I’ve also gained insight from friends, family, a premarital counselor and coworkers.
Would you believe me if I told you that 90 percent of the time it’s true? Extroverts and Ambiverts actually do attract their opposite. But, this doesn’t exactly mean that they understand each other’s personalities very well.
Of course there’s the initial attraction in the beginning because yay this is new, a change of pace and fun. The introvert comes across as the “great listener” because they actually think more than they talk. Therefore, the extrovert/ambivert falls head over heels in love with the “great listener”.
What happens when the extrovert gets tired of initiating the conversations and the introvert gets tired of the extrovert oversharing. Ouch, confusion.
For example, since I’m an ambivert I can be a bit of a chatter box but it’s normally only with the people I love. Outsiders may actually think I’m an introvert but I’m smack in the middle. I chat with those close to me and I’m extremely quiet around others.
I believe it confuses my fiance at times. If I’m too quiet he may confuse that with me having a bad day or being upset, when in fact I’m just thinking. Obviously he’s used to me talking his head off. Hehe.
On the other hand my fiance is sometimes extremely quiet which means he’s in his comfort zone but may cause me to wonder if something is wrong. Obviously I believe it’s always a good thing to think before speaking but to an ambivert/extrovert we’re thinking how much thinking does one do before hell freezes over?
Please do not mistake this blog for a chance to bash introverts extroverts or ambiverts. I honestly believe we all bring different strengths to the table and I love my fiance. I’m just addressing the elephant.
I think the biggest hurdle for these personality differences is being okay with the silence or the chatting. You have to understand and learn your partners behaviors and mannerisms, which comes with time, so there’s no confusion.
If they are being their normally quiet or chatty selves no assumptions should be made that something is wrong and you should never internalize their behavior as pushing you away. This way no one grows resentment, feeling the communication is one sided or as if they’re not communicating to your standards.
My advice to ambiverts /extroverts: every 5 min is not sharing and telling time if you’re dating an introvert and if you were lucky enough to find a man like mine he won’t mind if you share, just don’t expect him to share everytime you do.
My advice to introverts: since you’re more of a thinker than a chatter, set aside a time each day for your chatter box so that they feel connected. I’ll also throw in a bonus, this would definitely be the time for you to initiate the convo.
Let’s all step outside of our comfort zones and compromise so we’re all happy.